DYSON vs CUISINART

Question 1: What household appliance would you most likely use to crush Cheeze-nips?
Question 2: What household appliance would you most likely use to exfoliate your feet?

Before you ask, why would I crush Cheeze-nips or why would I use an appliance to exfoliate, work with me. The correct answer to both questions is the Dyson. You mean, Dyson the vacuum cleaner? Yes, THE vacuum cleaner. I learned yesterday while trying to vacuum a half a box of Cheeze-nips off the floor, that not only will the Dyson pulverize the Cheeze-nips into a bagillion micro pieces, it will spray those same pieces out the back of the machine and exfoliate your feet and ankles! A two for one!

And if you were by chance wondering why there was a half a box of Cheeze-nips on the floor to begin with... Little Sticky, who lives in the pantry, pulled out the box to snack on while I was trying to figure out how to light the burner to our furnace. Apparently, he pulled the foil bag out of the box and laid it on the coffee table. Princess, who was making her way around in her walker, was obviously attracted to the shiny foil substance, picked up the bag, and accidentally dumped it all over the floor. Not yet knowing that she should pick up her own mess, she instead decided to roll over and over and over the Cheeze-nips before getting stuck back behind a chair in the family room.

Hearing her cries for help and unknowing that Cheeze-nips were all over the floor, I ran to her aid and was quite surprised by the crunch, crunch, crunch, under my feet. Trust me when I say, it was a big fat yucky mess.

And in all fairness to the Cuisinart, I guess the Dyson's abilities cannot be accurately measured as the Cheeze-nips were considerably crushed before I tried to vacuum.